There is Room at the Inn - a few thoughts on foster parenting

I thought I would write an update on our foster parenting experiences, now that our first foster child has come and (unfortunately) gone.
First off, most people have responded to our decision to be foster parents in a very positive, appreciative way. Naturally, people in our church understand our motivation very well, but also our circle of friends, neighbours, staff at Finn and Lily's Kindergarten and at the gym daycare, our family doctors, and pretty much everyone who came in contact with Ina welcomed her as a part of our family. And while I agree that foster parenting (let alone emergency/short term foster care) is not for everyone, to us it is crystal clear: there are children in need or even danger, and there are people willing to help them, in this case: us.

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So, why did we choose to become foster parents?

First and foremost, Jesus explicitely tells us to care for the orphans (and widows). God put in on both our hearts to do this in our family, and I couldn't even tell you if it was Neil or me who started talking about becoming foster parents first.
Then, I witnessed first hand what a stable, loving home can do for a troubled child. Dear friends from my home church up north raised five children, the youngest two being foster children. I spent a lot of time with the family, especially after the mother developed cancer. She was more than just a good friend to me. I am 36 years old now, and she died 10 years ago, at the age of 36. There are a lot of things you can do with your life, and let me tell you, hers was a life well lived. She left a legacy and the world is a better place because of her. I can't wait to meet her again on the other side and share some foster parenting stories!

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I won't lie to you - having Ina here with us was not easy. Not just because adding a lively toddler to the mix is always a challenge (especially one you don't know at all), but because Ina was displaying some pretty intense behavior that is typical for a child from a troubled background. It was a challenge and it took Neil and me working together as a team and both putting 110% effort into our home life. Neil came home from work and was 100% present, available and involved the minute he walked in the door - all night long if needed. And enjoying it! My appreciation for him reached a whole new level. Ina taught us a lot, and we both feel foster parenting is the right thing to do for us. In fact, we almost feel honored that people trust us to be able to do this! In the big town just north of us only couples with a degree in social sciences or a similar education are accepted as emergency foster parents. We live in a different county and luckily for us, our county prefers to hand-pick the families, degree or not.
We were both sad to see Ina go (neither us nor social services made that decision, but legally there is nothing we can do about it - and that is all I can say about that).

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One thing that is hard to deal with for both of us is that you get a glimpse into the lives of the less fortunate of society, and while willing to help, you don't get the chance. What you see from the outside is that there was this child who lived with us for a few weeks and now is gone again. What you don't see are the countless phone calls and meetings with social service workers, the visits with the biological parents, the weekly assessment/child development reports to be submitted, the heartache that comes with a situation when a child is removed from its biological family, and last not least the obvious deficits in the child's upbringing that might not be so obvious to those it should concern most. Then there are the early morning or late night phone calls from social services, asking whether they could bring us a newborn/toddler in an hour or the next day, us getting things ready, and then the call that the child won't come after all. Why? Because rather than being separated from their child, the mothers return to the abusive home they just fled or go back to less than ideal living conditions. On one hand we can understand their fear of putting their children in the "system" and how heartbreaking that would be for any mother, on the other hand those children deserve better.

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Well, this turns out to be a long post and a lot of rambling, but last, not least, a few words about Finn and Lily.
So far they have handled this very well. They knew from the start that Ina would not be with us forever, and when things got intense we reminded them that Ina didn't have an easy life so far and needs our help. Lily was a bit protective of her toys at times and sometimes she was jealous when Ina needed me so much (both perfectly normal), but she was also mighty proud of her "little sister" and played well with her. Finn was the doting big brother and excelled in that role. I made sure both Finn and Lily got extra cuddles and lots of attention when Ina was napping or visiting her biological family.
After Ina was gone and we got asked if we could take a newborn in I sat Finn down for a little talk. I told him Ina was most likely not coming back and that there was a newborn baby boy at the hospital whose mother had nowhere to go and was too poor to take care of him. I asked him if we should take the baby into our home. His reply: "YES, and the mother too."
I don't think I could love this child more, even if I tried. My little boy with a ♥ of gold.

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So, to wrap this up - we are happy with our decision. The only thing that pretty much went out the window is my triathlon training. I should be much farther than I am right now and I'm not sure I can still catch up on my training to be able to do the triathlon in July. But I am trying to stay as fit as I can under the circumstances, and I'm okay with it! Right now I only have Finn and Lily to take care of, so I am planning on going swimming and finally getting my road bike dusted off, maybe even going to the gym for some strength training. But of course, all this could change in an hour! ☺