I kind of always thought to myself, that the worst that could happen to me as a parent is to hold my child and helplessly watch it die, as friends of ours had to. But, of course, there is one thing that is even worse. NOT holding your child as it dies, and having to live with the knowledge that his or her last moments were full of unimaginable horror and bloodshed. That they screamed for you, and you weren't there.

While the massacre in Connecticut on December 14 didn't hit close to home, it hit very close to my heart. That morning, I got my kindergartener and my first grader ready for school, with a lovingly packed lunch, warm coats and hats, hugs and kisses. Just like those parents in Newtown did. I bet some of their kids were also muttering about having to go to school, and they probably heard the same thing Finn heard: "Just one more day, and then it's weekend! And only one more week until the Christmas break." That night, broken-hearted, I tucked my kids into their beds, safe and sound, while 20 other first graders lay where they fell, riddled with bullets, until their parents could identify them from pictures the police took of their remains. It is an unspeakable, unthinkable horror.

The following article pretty much sums it up for me. The shooting hits so close to my heart because I have one (almost two) of them: first graders. Ready to take on the world with their bright eyes and gap-toothed smiles. Spreading their wings, and dreaming of their future, dreaming big, while still having all the innocence of childhood. Read this (click on link) and weep:

WHAT-SIX-LOOKS-LIKE

I kind of always thought that if a great opportunity presented itself for us to move back to North America we would happily jump at it. Now, I'm not so sure about the US. I guess for the time being, we're quite happily tucked away in our little corner of southern Germany. There are no guarantees in life, but with gun laws and (mental) health care what they are, the chances of a similar incident happening here are very slim.
Finn often says he doesn't want to go to school. But it's because he'd rather play legos all day, not because he doesn't feel safe there. As it should be. And when he comes home he always says he had a good day and that he had fun. As it should be.