Adam and Heidi, part II

Neil says how come I'm blogging more on the Cartwrights than our own family. I told him it takes several minutes to upload one of my pictures, and seconds to copy something from the internet. That's why. It's probably against the law (remember THIS post?), but hey. Besides, it's raining outside, my men are still sleeping and I'm up with two cats and a Lily eating breakfast, and who wants to read about our boring little life here anyway when you can have BONAAAAANZA? ☺

Don't fret though, I AM working on a September update, complete with pictures from Finn's first day of school and all.

 

Now. Are you ready for part two of the saga of Adam and Heidi? After the rave reviews I've already received (ha ha) I know you are. Karl, I'm married to your BROTHER, sooner or later it was bound to happen.

By the way, we could really use Spirit Woman's healing powers over here. Seems like my guys are down with the stomach flu. Lily (judging from the way she's digging into her breakfast) and Mama (judging by her coffee consumption) are still hanging in there. So far. Oh well. 

But here comes Adam.

 

 

Remember, Heidi did surgery to get the arrow out of Adam's leg.

Looks like Heidi then hauled Adam off to her hidden hut, which was provided by the witness protection program.

 

 

 

Adam wakes up and wonders where he is. He also wonders how he got there. If there was a party, he doesn't remember it at all. Must have been a great party! But wait a minute, where are the windmills? Hmmm.

 

 

 

He decides on a self-guided tour of the place. Hm. Lots of animal skins hanging around. A fire. Rocks. He wonders if he is at the history museum. 

 

 

 

He goes in the hut to see if someone's home. Nope. But whoever hangs out here left their school uniform behind. Maybe he ended up at a super-cool sorority party. Joe would be so jealous!

 

 

 

Seeing a trunk, he decides to be nosy.

 

 

 

Let's see. -- My Diary. Keep out! Don't read this! By the way, my name is, like, Ruth and my parents, like, decided we had to, like, move away from our comfy, like, home in New England. Mom, like, bit the dust and dad, like, went out for cigarettes and left me and the wagon, like, all alone. It's, like, really boring out here.

 

 

 

Before Adam can, like, get further into this riveting page-turner a knife goes whizzing past his head. Ka-thunk! That got his attention.

 

 

 

White Buffalo Woman aka Heidi can't believe someone is reading her, like, private thoughts! She tells him to get the *@!#  outta her hut. And stay out!

 

 

 

After escorting him out she tells him to stay put. She's got some errands to run. She also tells him not to touch anything.

 

 

 

While she was out she picked up some KFC extra spicy for Adam. Now she's got important things to do, like fold furs. Adam talks with his mouth full and asks her about her diary. And if she's seen any windmills lately.

 

 

 

She tries to avoid him but he keeps pestering her with questions. Doesn't he know it's hard to fold furs with the grain when someone is yammering away? He says he knows her name's Ruth and she demands to know where he heard it. He confesses he never heard it, he read it in a book.

 

 

 

Ruth-Heidi fesses up to her real name and says she had to enter the witness protection program because of a tragic knife accident. It happened after her dad went for cigarettes. Luckily, a band of Indians found her writing in her diary and took her home with them. There, she learned to braid hair but wasn't very good at it. Instead she excelled at handwashing and crime scene clean-up. 

 

 

 

Adam wonders if he'll be in any danger staying here. Nah! Besides, she seems like a nice gal.

 

 

Meanwhile, back in the Shoshone willage, I mean, village, the people are wondering when they'll get some antibiotics. Or at least some Tylenol.

 

 

A couple of young braves tell Chato that the two guys with the magic beads never returned. It's like they just disappeared into thin air. Poof! Chato says, "Let's go find that spirit chick and get us some Tamiflu." When the young guys ask him about some magic beads he says  #!@*!  the magic beads, he's got a buffalo headdress.

 

 

Adam goes in search of Ruth and comes across several school uniforms hanging from tree limbs. And he hears the sounds of splashing water. Could Ruth be cleaning up a crime scene? Nah. It's probably just laundry day with her fellow sorority gals.

 

 

Ruth aka Heidi aka White Buffalo Woman comes wandering out of the woods and Adam refuses to look at her. If he doesn't see anything he can't testify in court as a witness for the prosecution. Ruth keeps asking what he wants until he finally says he wants a razor; he needs a shave. He does? I don't see a 5-o'clock shadow.

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ben is bellowing about not being able to find a single ranch hand. Where could they all be? Hoss comes in and says Adam's horse is parked out front. Ben thinks that means Adam's home. Hoss says no Adam, just the horse. Ben says he has to see this for himself.

 

Ben, Hoss and Joe check out Adam's homing horse - it runs home at the first sign of trouble, leaving its rider stranded in the middle of nowhere. Ben says it looks okay. Hoss says it sure looks dusty. Joe says he gets dibs on Adam's room. Ben tells Hoss to saddle the horses and tells Joe to pack up some food - they are gonna drag Adam's patootie home, whether or not he's seen a single windmill.

 

 

Meanwhile, back at the hidden hut, Adam is trying to shave. Without a mirror. Ruth-Heidi the buffalo watches intently.

 



 

After botching up his shave, Adam decides to rebuild part of the hidden hut. He's added an upstairs, a game room, and another bedroom.

 

 

Ruth-Heidi helps him down off the ladder. Up close, she notices just how really awful that headband looks. The costume lady really outdid herself this time. Or maybe she's whispering, "Hey, Pernell! Are you SURE guys wore white cotton briefs in the 1880s? 'Cause yours are showing!"

 

 

 

Chato and the boys come across the two dead guys. Oh well, so much for magic beads. Now they've got to find the spirit woman. They start following her tracks.

 

 

Meanwhile, back at the camp, Adam's doing a bit of laundry while Ruth-Heidi reads more from her diary, which turns out to be the family Bible. Surprise, she's reading from the book of Ruth!

 

 

After a while, Adam convinces her to tell him what really happened when she lived with the Bannocks. Turned out some traders showed up and demanded that she go with them. When she refused there was a teeny tiny incident with a very big knife. The Bannocks abandoned her while she cleaned up the crime scene.

Adam tells her that she needs to come back to society with him. She says she can't since she is in the witness protection program. Adam says she can dye her hair and change her name to something else in the Bible.

 

 

Adam decides that the only way to convince Ruth to leave the hidden hut is with a kiss. Wonder if this works?

 

Before he can find out, Chato and the boys show up and demand that Ruth come back to the wil.., um, the village with them. She says no way and tells them to go to the Co-op pharmacy. They insist that she has to come back with them and bring some of her spirit medicine. She tells them to go home, make some herbal tea, and add some lemon. Then she orders them to leave.

 

 

The she smooches Adam some more.

 

 

Chato and the boys decide that Ruth-Heidi can't possibly be a spirit woman - look at the way she's kissing that guy. So, they come up with a plan to make Ruth go their wil..., um, village.

 

 

Meanwhile, Ben and the boys have found the dead white guys and the dead Indians. There's no Adam, dead or alive. Ben says they'll split up and find him.

 

 

Later, down by the lake, Adam and Ruth are smooching again. He's trying really hard to persuade her to leave the hidden hut. It might just be working.

 

 

He gives her a ring he made from an acorn and declares that they're almost married. Now they've just got to go to the courthouse to get a marriage license. The best news for Ruth is that she can now legally change her name to Mrs. Adam Cartwright. No one will have a clue that Mrs. Adam Cartwright is really Heidi K, aka Ruth, aka White Buffalo Woman.

 

Then they smooch some more.

 

 

 

Ruth goes off to run some errands (she seems to be doing a lot of that) while Adam does some fishing. She admires her ring. No one has ever given her a ring made from an acorn before!

 

 

While Ruth is away, Chato sends the boys to bring Adam to him. He's got an evil plan to lure Ruth to his wil..., um, village by using Adam as bait. Will it work?

 

 

Adam fights the boys. Wham! Slam! Pow! Boom! He's holding his own despite his injured leg. But then one of the boys manages to bonk him on the head. Looks like Adam's gonna be bait after all.

 

 

Ruth returns to the lake to find a croquet mallet. Oh wait - that's Adam's crutch. Something must have happened! Was he dragged out into the water by a giant fish? Could it have been Chato and the boys? Nah.

 

Now for the most amazing part of this episode. Joe has changed into a plain white shirt for the search. Then he changes into a black shirt while searching. White just won't cut it out in this wilderness. Ben and Hoss even seem to get in on the clothes changing act. No wonder they needed to bring a spare horse - they had to cart several changes of clothes around!

 

Ben and the boys meet up and each pretends that he's never changed clothes while searching. Ben says that they must have missed some important clue. Hoss and Joe ask what kind of clue. Ben says an important one. They begin searching again. 

 

Chato and the boys have secured their bait. Just to make sure they could lure Ruth, they unbuttoned Adam's shirt. Adam keeps insisting that it won't work; he's not the right bait for Ruth.

 

 

 

Looks like Adam was wrong! That furry chest does the trick every time, doesn't it. Ruth demands that Adam be set free. Chato insists that Ruth come back to his wil..., um, village. Adam demands that they untie him.

 

Chato tells Ruth that if she won't come back with him he'll blow her cover in the witness protection program. That does it! Ruth wants a knife. Chato says they'll protect her and give her a new name - Dr. Quinn. Ruth thinks on it for two seconds and agrees. She'll stop at the Co-op and get some cough drops and herbal tea. All Chato and the boys have to do is set Adam free. Chato tells the boys to take Adam back to the hidden hut after he and Ruth leave; he also tells the boys they can button up Adam's shirt again.

 

After being cut loose Adam tells Ruth that she can't go with Chato and the boys. He's in love! She has to marry him! He gave her a ring he made from an acorn! Doesn't that mean anything?

 

 

Ruth tells Adam she'll never forget him. As she runs her hand along his jaw she thinks he really needs a shave. Maybe she can do that for him before she leaves with Chato and the boys? But Chato says there's no time; they've got to go now!

 

 

Ruth changes clothes at the hidden hut and gets her debit card. She's got a lot of supplies to buy.

 

 

Ben and the boys finally find all of the important clues and manage to track Adam to the hidden hut. Is he okay? Why is he face-down? Is he lost? And where are all the windmills?

 

 

Ben asks what happened. Adam says he was looking for windmills when a shot rang out. Then he fell. And fell. And fell. Then some judges gave him some lousy scores. Heidi Klum showed up and did surgery on his leg. Later, he proposed to her and gave her a ring he made from an acorn. Before that, some Shoshone dudes showed up and demanded that Heidi, who was calling herself Ruth, come back to the willage and cure them of swine flu. If they don't believe him they should just check in the hut for a diary. Hoss says Adam's running a fever. Ben tells Adam it must have been a dream. Joe goes in the hut and gets distracted by the school uniforms - now he knows that Adam's been partying with some sorority girls.

 

 

Joe finally comes out of the hut with the diary. He reads aloud: We were, like, driving on the interstate and I was, like, playing punchbag with my siblings. Then we, like, stopped at McDonald's for, like, milk shakes, but the, like, machine was, like, broken.

 

Adam grabs the diary and pulls out the acorn ring. See! It was all true! Who else would have a ring made from an acorn?? Ben says lots of people have rings made from acorns. That proves nothing.

 

 

Then, Adam strikes a pose.

 

Then, the Cartwrights head for home. With fevered, injured Adam in the very back of the line. Gee - I hope they don't lose him on the way home.

 

Adam learns that dreams can be strange things, Ben learns he has to be more careful when looking for cues, Joe learns that windmill is really a code word for a sorority party, and Hoss learns that he needs to travel with more clothes.

 

THE END.